I have opinions. Like it or not.

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Lots to say..

Yes, we are back. Can’t promise the original frequency of posting though, but we will surely try. I know, I know, you’re all burning with questions (all 8 of you) and I hope to answer all of them here.

I got married y’all! Yeah, with all the fanfare and the traditional rituals. SEV wonderfully expressed his thoughts at the time here. I haven’t been able to articulate everything I was feeling in such beautiful words. The one feeling I know I will never forget was that when the tirumangalyam was being tied around my neck. Everything I had been hoping for, planning for, culminated in that one moment. Memories of our times together were flashing past me intermingled with visions of our future together. The atmosphere at the wedding hall was electric. And as hard as I tried I couldn’t turn around catch the expression on my mother’s face (the videographer captured it perfectly though). Some day I think I will understand everything she was feeling that day.

The 2 weeks that we were in India post-wedding saw us both battling the flu. Of course that didn’t stop us from visiting our relatives or visiting the temples my mother-in-law had planned on taking us to. The feeling of being in a new home and adapting to the ways of a whole new family can be a little daunting at the start. However, the fact that I knew my in-laws very well even before the wedding (advantages of a love marriage you see!) made the transition really easy. I just wish I had a little more time to learn everything from my MiL!

And I finally made the decision to move to live with my husband – I knew I couldn’t make a relationship work with distance added into the picture. Many conversations with SEV, my parents, my in-laws and my friends (who were all very supportive, bless them) resulted in us making the decision to move. So we had a month to pack, dispose of stuff and move. We had arranged for movers and that made the whole experience completely hassle-free. I totally recommend my moving company to anyone moving across states – they were very professional and very thorough.

I must say, the experience of setting up a new home together is completely unmatched. Just watching everything fall into place like it always belonged there is almost magical. I was always told that knowing someone very well and living with them are completely different things. So I went in expecting the worst. But I have to say, I know SEV in and out and he’s an absolute delight to live with! His roommates were indeed lucky. 🙂

That’s it for now. Ohh and I have some other super exciting news to share as well! But I will let my partners in crime do the honors for that one. See you around!

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I hope this gets on Failbook.

P.S: I got married.

Interestingly…

I have not seen the sun in 2 weeks now. In case anyone’s keeping count, gloomy dreary winter days are another thing I officially hate.

I think I’m growing up. I went to a Diwali show here, fearing seeing the one person I have so successfully managed to avoid seeing or thinking about for more than a year. I saw them. And I did not feel or think what I feared. In fact, I felt really confident about going up and talking to them. I would have too, had they not disappeared completely after the show – and had there not been like 2000 people there!

I miss performing on stage. I wish I had some way of knowing that my last performance in school was going to be my last one.

This Diwali had to be the worst one in years. I spent it all alone, battling an unbearable headache, and working through the day. Oh and I ate pizza coz I was too sick to cook something nice.

BTW, do you guys have any suggestions (other than painkillers, which is what I had to ultimately resort to) to get rid of headaches? I tried everything – massages, cold compress, tea, coffee, hot shower – to no avail. Then I took my trusted ibuprofen/paracetamol and took a nap. When I woke up my headache was gone. But I hated having to take a painkiller for a simple headache.

The countdown has begun.

Look what my birthday brought!

Two posts. From two very special people. I’m going to let the posts speak for themselves. 🙂

———-

This one is from Rayshma:

if i were to describe G and my fr’ship in one word.. that word would be strange.

it’s strange how we got to know each other. it took alice’s blog for me to discover her existence. then, we realized that we’d lived in the same town for years, but met saat samundar paar.

i’m usually VERY reserved when it comes to personal space. that never seemed to matter with her. she whizzed right past defenses. strange, again.

it’s strange that we exchanged gtalk id’s just a few weeks after we became regulars on each others’ blogs. stranger still, that we chatted for hours daily after that.

it’s strange that she flew down all the way to texas for my bday. stranger still that vin took leave *something neither of us are usually in favor of* to go drop her back to the airport.

it’s strange that she felt like family even though we were meeting for the first time.

it’s strange that if i ever had a younger sister, i’d hope she’d have been exactly like galadriel. a younger, taller, leaner, meaner version of me!

it’s strange how she is an awesome mix of wit and silliness, sarcasm & kindness… maturity & complete madness! strange how she is SO much like my closest pals, and yet, she’s her own unique self!

it’s strange how though she’s younger… i’ve never felt the age gap. okay… maybe that has to do with my IQ levels… but well, i’m writing this… so I can say that it’s coz SHE is wiser than her years!

it’s strange that despite all that closeness, we’ve spoken on the phone 3 or 4 times in over two years.

and it’s totally strange that i should do a post on her blog to wish her a fantastic bday and a great year ahead. esp when i have nothing to write about on mine.
but well, life is stranger than fiction.
and she sure is stranger than her blog-name! 😛
but, life’s like that!

hope you have a wonderful bday. do have an extra slice of cake for me!
love you loads, gurl! MUAH!

———-

This one is from Dewey:

She likes Ravi Verma’s paintings. That was what cinched it for me. Because until then I had (of course) heard about her incessantly from Her Madness and while it roused my curiosity, it took Ravi Verma to make me pipe up and speak to her.

I had intended to write a funny post and entertain her, make it a nice li’l giftie seeing as how it is her birthday and all but I find that a funny post is rather beyond me. It could be that I am an unfunny person but I guess when it really comes down to it, people who you care about can only inspire posts that are true to your feelings to them. So this is me saying I care about you and I want the best for you, all your life.

And so we sing Happy Birthday while Koi Shaque blares in the background, all the while dressed in outrageous 80s bollywood inspired outfits and toast you with Sambhar!

All for the girl who, on reflection, could only be compared to one thing: a Ravi Verma painting 🙂

———-

Thanks girls! Truly made my birthday so so so special. MUAH!!!!

All this pressure!

Yes, I know the expectations are sky high and everyone expects me to post about the awesome weekend I had over at Raysh’s (I mean, it’s not like it was a honeymoon, you know!). But what can I say here that has not been said before? How do I keep it from being intensely personal, something I have tried to refrain from doing on this public space?

Everyone knows how much I adore and respect her. I believe the feeling is mutual. And hopefully it now extends to SEV too, whom I nagged and coerced into coming along.

The 3 days I stayed there just flew by in a whirlwind of mountains, lakes, hiking trails, forests and good conversation. I had the most amazing mozzarella sandwich on the way back (after which we saw the bear cub).

It was a fabulous weekend. I am glad I found such wonderful friends in her and Vin. I am definitely hoping they will visit me soon enough!

I do not really want to say anything else. I hope you guys understand.

P.S: .. and the next weekend is nearly here already! 🙂

14th August 2009

This date marks the 3 year anniversary of my arrival in the US as a wet-behind-the-ears naïve girl with dreams in her eyes. The last 3 years have been an incredible journey. A journey of friendship, heartbreak, love, frustration, success, failure and so much more. A journey of growing up – of flying away from the protective nest that was my home. A journey of the eventual transformation of a girl to a woman. A journey of realization of one’s strengths and weaknesses – leading to some semblance of wisdom. A journey of the quest to learn and acquire knowledge – and the incidental learning of many other things. As I sit and reminisce about the last 3 years, I cannot help but wonder if I truly have a reason to rejoice and celebrate them. Or should I just think of it all as a bittersweet experience, something that had to happen because – such is life.

I guess I would like to begin by thinking about all the things that made me regret having made the decision to leave my country and my home. I still miss my family just as much as I missed them the day I left. I still wish I was there to watch them grow up and old – I wish I was there to watch my little brother cross one milestone after another. I wish I was there when my mom bought something she had always wanted, to see the expression of excitement and the raised pitch of her voice to go with it. I wish I was there to watch my dad punch the air during a cricket game and to get him started on a discussion on politics and stock markets. I wish I was there to help out with the household chores and even to get yelled at for not doing something right.

I truly miss the rush of activity, the sights and sounds of the different times of the day. The smell of the early morning coffee, the sound of the velaikkari washing the utensils, my mom cutting out the weeds in the garden and my dad trying to help and ending up shearing my mom’s beloved flowering plants instead, my dad going into my brother’s room to wake him up (after being yelled at by mom for snipping up her plants), the sounds of the autos and buses, the sight of the dust rising up and settling down in their wake, the cows assuming the world is their toilet – I could go on and on about every single detail that is such a part of India’s myriad personality.

But that is about all I miss and about all the reasons I have to be even if only slightly bummed out today. I think I do have more reasons to be happy about. I cannot even begin to describe the experience I had of living alone, away from home where there was no Mommy to cook food on time, no Daddy to take care of the bills and the finances. There was just me and my measly grad student salary that had to cover the rent, groceries, bills and so on. I cannot believe I managed to even save up a small amount every month. I realized just how well my mother had trained me to be able to run a household independently. I could cook and clean and not let the house be infested by bugs and roaches as I had seen happen with my other counterparts. I realized that I have a keen aesthetic sense and combined with my OCD, I managed to make sure our house was always hospitable – our house was like home.

I learned the hard way that people are not always what they seem. That there are people who will think evil things even if you truly meant them no harm. That there are people who expect the world of you and yet will not move a muscle when it is their turn. And should you so much as refuse them a favor that no sane person would do even for their own kith and kin, you instantly become the bad guy. That the only people who truly make you happy are the ones who have the good sense to understand your every action. No one else is worth it.

I learned that when your need is driven by money, no matter how well you do, you just don’t get the chance to prove yourself. And that quitting when I’m at the top of my game is how I usually operate. I also learned how much I hate loans. And how I have always made sure I repaid mine well in advance of the pay period. I learned how much I love to drive. And how much an inanimate object can mean to me. I discovered that I am not one to skimp on something I really want. And I am also not one to crib about something I don’t have – I am actually one of those people who make the best of what they have and pro-actively seek means to better their situation, if they so wish to.

I realized that going to grad school and getting your doctorate degree is no indicator of how smart you really are. And that smartness also really means nothing – how you treat yourself and others around you is really all that counts. That it’s better to know how lucky you are to be with someone than to wonder how lucky they are to be with you. That confidence is one thing, and arrogance quite another. That realizing the difference between the two is the difference between being smart and being thick.

That high heels actually make me look good. And that tall girls don’t need high heels is a myth. That in a few years I will not look like I do now, so I need to make the most of what I have. Especially since I live in a country where everything goes. And that convincing my mom of this has been some of the toughest convincing I have had to do in a long time. 🙂

Looking back on this post and the last 3 years, I do believe I’m happier than when I started out. And I probably wouldn’t change a thing in these 3 years. But none of them can keep me from going back to where I belong. And if I ever forget that, I have this post to remind me of what is out there, and what will eventually take me back home.

Dating, Living-in, What?

I have mentioned that I am 24, single unmarried (wink wink 😉 ) and loving it. I also have some very close friends, all more or less my age. Most of them are dating, in relationships, blah, blah and blah and this whole social charade gets me thinking…. I have a few relationship questions that need clarification. Maybe someone should publish a manual that has in-depth answers. I wonder if the Hitchhiker’s Guide had them.

Dating: When is an appropriate time to start saying you’re dating? One, two, three dates? And, really, what does qualify as dating? Coffee, dinner, movie, drinks, thrown in with copious amounts of subtle flirting and double entendres hidden in every sentence we speak? Then does that mean that some people I know end up dating even their friends (or people they “claim” are their friends) ? A touch here, a naughty smile there, a peck on the cheek that lingered a moment too long? And how long does it take to actually proceed from “a date” to “dating” ?

Relationship: When does it go from “dating” to “being in a relationship” ? Is there an intermediate phase in between these two? And amongst all this confusion when does the first kiss take place? And how long does it take to move from the kiss to other, more interesting things? Does it mean that whoever you’re getting it on with is the person you’re in a relationship with? And what if you’re with them, have all the benefits of a relationship (well, I can only think of one big benefit, but for peace of mind, let’s add the plural) and yet deny ever being in the relationship/going around/blah-bloo-blah?

Commitment: We’ve all heard this word. And in all probability, more often than not we’ve heard it along with the phrase “not ready”. So when does a relationship transform into a commitment? And does making out have any part to play in this? I for one cannot imagine a guy being committed to a girl because she’s mind-numbingly hot in bed/makes love like a tigress. And I do happen to know women who would sleep with men and then claim to be “not ready for a commitment” leaving the guy gaping. But I also happen to know men who do the exact same thing. So what does commitment mean?

Living together: So do you live together once you’ve “committed” to one another? When you’re in a “relationship”? Please tell me you don’t move in together when you’re dating. Does living together require the relationship to pass the above two stages? Or can it be done in between one of these? So does it also signify that your relationship is definitely moving towards marriage? How much time passes between the living-in and the popping-of-final-question? So when you’re living with someone, you’re all but married right? So then why do people break up even after years of living together? And is it allowed to come back with the “no commitment” drill after you’ve lived with someone?

And, the most puzzling question of all…. Where does “love” fit in the grand scheme of relationship-y things? When is an appropriate time to say the dreaded 3 words? How easy or difficult is it to slide from one intense (emotionally and physically) relationship to another while having said (or at least felt) the L-word?

Maybe we should all go back to our parents’ and grandparents’ generations where life was simple and you didn’t have to think so much. Meet boy, parents say yes, you say yes, get married, sleep with the almost-stranger you just married, have kids, live happily ever after.

Pshaw.