Iniya Putthandu Nalvazhthukkal**.
Wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year.
Picture from my very first Vishu arrangement.
Yes, I know the expectations are sky high and everyone expects me to post about the awesome weekend I had over at Raysh’s (I mean, it’s not like it was a honeymoon, you know!). But what can I say here that has not been said before? How do I keep it from being intensely personal, something I have tried to refrain from doing on this public space?
Everyone knows how much I adore and respect her. I believe the feeling is mutual. And hopefully it now extends to SEV too, whom I nagged and coerced into coming along.
The 3 days I stayed there just flew by in a whirlwind of mountains, lakes, hiking trails, forests and good conversation. I had the most amazing mozzarella sandwich on the way back (after which we saw the bear cub).
It was a fabulous weekend. I am glad I found such wonderful friends in her and Vin. I am definitely hoping they will visit me soon enough!
I do not really want to say anything else. I hope you guys understand.
P.S: .. and the next weekend is nearly here already! 🙂
Words spoken. Words written. Words read and understood. Words that affect one in a way that nothing ever has. They make one wonder, they take one on imaginary trips to a time, a place of fantasy. Of peace and love. Of harmony. Of a time when one didn’t exist.
At least not to them. They were two hearts, two souls in love. For now and for eternity. They bore each other’s pain, each other’s sorrow. They unburdened their tribulations on one another. They hurt each other. They fought. But they made up. And were more deeply in love than ever. They were perfect for each other. He loved everything about her. Her feisty nature, her long curly hair, her short stature, her mood swings, her brilliance, that he found so rare in others of her species. She loved his steadfast reliability, his composition in the face of crisis, his ability to soothe her fears with just a ‘hello’. His unpretentious nature, his courage. They were meant to be. In every way possible.
The universe thought otherwise. They were seperated by a divide. And what they thought was a perfect world was quickly befouled by what society dictated. He was being sucked into a quagmire that he could only break out of if he were ready to forsake everything he held close. His peers advised him to do it. What did they know, they were young and as hot blooded as he. She waited at the banks, watching him suffer, sinking deeper and deeper, helpless, unable to reach out, try as she might. And then she watched him go under. She waited. He had left, never to return.
He loves someone else today, the memory of his beautiful past all but gone. The scars remain, but his present is a lot sunnier. He is happy, he is making progress in all aspects of his life. She sometimes wonders if she had met him first, how different would things have been. She wonders what it would have been like to be the first woman he kissed.
Somewhere in the depths of one’s soul, something stirs. Something rankles, making one think about what could have been. If today would be a reality if yesterday was altered. If one needs to live life under rules put down by an abstract institution, rules that really are just a product of a few warped imaginations. If fighting for your love is really worth it. Should dreams remain just that – dreams that may never be fulfilled? Why should you be shown something potentially beautiful, only to be snatched away?
Society argues – do not make a choice if you cannot justify it. What kind of choice is society really giving me then, if what I choose will only be overruled? Society says you are too young to understand the implications. How young is too young? And even if they were older and made the same choice society wouldn’t approve, so I sense the tidings of some vintage hypocrisy here. The truth is, you have no choice. You do whatever it takes to keep society happy and you live with it. If you are the type. If you fight for it, you fight for the rest of your lives.
*** My apologies. Comments are disabled on this post. ***
In all ways 2008 has been a most eventful year for me. 2007 was seen spent as a student, coping with the realities of having chosen a less-trodden path and paying for it. 2008 drove home the realization stronger than ever. Decisions were made, by me and for me. Decisions that shaped my life and my future. Decisions that, for the first time ever, were made based on the people around me. I saw my life peak through tremendous joy in the beginning. Things were looking up and the wheels were being set in motion, amidst much opposition from my closest of kin.
But in my heart of hearts I somehow always knew that this wasn’t my calling. I knew that there was something amiss in the grand scheme of things and the fact that I was planning my life around a somewhat exhaustive and demanding journey that I was about to set on not only scared me, but also made me question everything I had known to believe about myself. Whether I was capable was beyond doubt. A profound analysis of this phase led me to weigh out the cause-and-effect relationship of some of the events over the past 2 years. I went on to question every single decision I had made, taking into consideration every person that was affected by my decisions and the repercussions of any decisions I made now, and how they would all affect the people in my life from now on into the future. Much opinion-taking and giving was indulged in; many friends came in and offered sound advice. I appreciated their involvement and valued each of their opinions. Whether I agreed with them or not, it helped in that it made me see why I needed to go through with this and served to solidify the basis of my current decision. I stood my ground firmly and went ahead to take the plunge. What followed were 4 months of frustration and a forced “sabbatical” from doing many of my favorite things, blogging included.
2008 also heightened my insecurities. My moments of self doubt became longer-lasting. I questioned everything and everyone, hurting people closest to me. But I have slowly learned how to overcome my insecurities and although I may not have gotten rid of them completely, I have definitely managed to successfully push them to the back of my mind where they lie, now dormant. They surface now and then but I know how to deal with them. To this end I have only person to thank for and I think they know I’m talking about them. If you hadn’t been so supportive and understanding, I doubt if I could have made it this far.
I have moved 3 times this year and I am hoping I won’t have to move again in the next year or so. I have a new life here and I am loving it. There is of course a fly in this soup. Something that I have slowly learned to deal with, but each time it only gets progressively harder. Like everything else, I will work around it.
And of course, I have to mention how much blogging has helped. I have made some truly awesome friends here and I wouldn’t change a single thing in 2008 just because of this. Prashanth and I developed quite a bond and he became my support system through my times of frustration. Of course, it helped that we were kinda going through the same thing. DDD is another such friend. I traveled to TX and met Rayshma and her husband. And I had some really good times with them. She is now one of my closest friends and I am looking forward to many more years of such madness with her. Love you babe!
And of course, I have no idea what I’m doing for New Years Eve and I really really want to wear this pretty dress I bought so I need to figure out something real quick. Or maybe I’ll just open a bag of microwave popcorn (97% fat free butter) and watch a movie. Sheesh, I really need a life.
To conclude, I hope you guys had a fantastic 2008 and you will have an even more fantabulous 2009. Please keep updating your blogs regularly and continue to read my randomness with equal vigor. Love you all. Muah!