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Posts tagged ‘car’

14th August 2009

This date marks the 3 year anniversary of my arrival in the US as a wet-behind-the-ears naïve girl with dreams in her eyes. The last 3 years have been an incredible journey. A journey of friendship, heartbreak, love, frustration, success, failure and so much more. A journey of growing up – of flying away from the protective nest that was my home. A journey of the eventual transformation of a girl to a woman. A journey of realization of one’s strengths and weaknesses – leading to some semblance of wisdom. A journey of the quest to learn and acquire knowledge – and the incidental learning of many other things. As I sit and reminisce about the last 3 years, I cannot help but wonder if I truly have a reason to rejoice and celebrate them. Or should I just think of it all as a bittersweet experience, something that had to happen because – such is life.

I guess I would like to begin by thinking about all the things that made me regret having made the decision to leave my country and my home. I still miss my family just as much as I missed them the day I left. I still wish I was there to watch them grow up and old – I wish I was there to watch my little brother cross one milestone after another. I wish I was there when my mom bought something she had always wanted, to see the expression of excitement and the raised pitch of her voice to go with it. I wish I was there to watch my dad punch the air during a cricket game and to get him started on a discussion on politics and stock markets. I wish I was there to help out with the household chores and even to get yelled at for not doing something right.

I truly miss the rush of activity, the sights and sounds of the different times of the day. The smell of the early morning coffee, the sound of the velaikkari washing the utensils, my mom cutting out the weeds in the garden and my dad trying to help and ending up shearing my mom’s beloved flowering plants instead, my dad going into my brother’s room to wake him up (after being yelled at by mom for snipping up her plants), the sounds of the autos and buses, the sight of the dust rising up and settling down in their wake, the cows assuming the world is their toilet – I could go on and on about every single detail that is such a part of India’s myriad personality.

But that is about all I miss and about all the reasons I have to be even if only slightly bummed out today. I think I do have more reasons to be happy about. I cannot even begin to describe the experience I had of living alone, away from home where there was no Mommy to cook food on time, no Daddy to take care of the bills and the finances. There was just me and my measly grad student salary that had to cover the rent, groceries, bills and so on. I cannot believe I managed to even save up a small amount every month. I realized just how well my mother had trained me to be able to run a household independently. I could cook and clean and not let the house be infested by bugs and roaches as I had seen happen with my other counterparts. I realized that I have a keen aesthetic sense and combined with my OCD, I managed to make sure our house was always hospitable – our house was like home.

I learned the hard way that people are not always what they seem. That there are people who will think evil things even if you truly meant them no harm. That there are people who expect the world of you and yet will not move a muscle when it is their turn. And should you so much as refuse them a favor that no sane person would do even for their own kith and kin, you instantly become the bad guy. That the only people who truly make you happy are the ones who have the good sense to understand your every action. No one else is worth it.

I learned that when your need is driven by money, no matter how well you do, you just don’t get the chance to prove yourself. And that quitting when I’m at the top of my game is how I usually operate. I also learned how much I hate loans. And how I have always made sure I repaid mine well in advance of the pay period. I learned how much I love to drive. And how much an inanimate object can mean to me. I discovered that I am not one to skimp on something I really want. And I am also not one to crib about something I don’t have – I am actually one of those people who make the best of what they have and pro-actively seek means to better their situation, if they so wish to.

I realized that going to grad school and getting your doctorate degree is no indicator of how smart you really are. And that smartness also really means nothing – how you treat yourself and others around you is really all that counts. That it’s better to know how lucky you are to be with someone than to wonder how lucky they are to be with you. That confidence is one thing, and arrogance quite another. That realizing the difference between the two is the difference between being smart and being thick.

That high heels actually make me look good. And that tall girls don’t need high heels is a myth. That in a few years I will not look like I do now, so I need to make the most of what I have. Especially since I live in a country where everything goes. And that convincing my mom of this has been some of the toughest convincing I have had to do in a long time. 🙂

Looking back on this post and the last 3 years, I do believe I’m happier than when I started out. And I probably wouldn’t change a thing in these 3 years. But none of them can keep me from going back to where I belong. And if I ever forget that, I have this post to remind me of what is out there, and what will eventually take me back home.

A Thing of Value

First off, I have news! I am now officially Rayshma’s permanent tag recipient. Yayy. It’s a two-way street, btw Raysh. Also, as a tribute to “our formal union in holy tag-imony”, I have taken up this tag.

To begin with, I honestly cannot think of an inanimate object that has been that of my attention so much that I value it beyond time. I learned not to attach myself to material things a very long time ago. However, there are definitely some things that have given me immense happiness and will always be a part of my life.

My very first phone. The cute and durable Nokia 3310. the stress tests that I put it through would put the IPhone people to shame. Yeah, you’re right, I did put it into the toilet as well. It stuck by me for a whole 3 years in college and has seen more than it’s share of late night phone calls, SMSes, missed calls, etc. etc. I miss it so.

My current best friend, my car, my beautiful Chrysler Sebring. She’s my confidante, my soulmate. I simply cannot imagine life without her. She’s sleek, sexy, powerful. She’s everything I had ever wanted in a car and more. I love you babe. BFF.

My Bose in-ear earphones. And my Bvlgari sunglasses. Both, because they were a gift from a very very special friend. And both, I would never have had the heart to buy for myself because they’re so expensive. And they’re both everything I have left of our turbulent and amazing friendship.

This one green studded earring that was also a gift. However, 2 days after I got the earrings, I lost one of them and I was simply devastated. I still have the other one for keepsakes, but I sorely miss the lost one.

A silver rattle that I’ve had ever since I was a baby. This is something my grandma gave my Mom and it has been with us for over 24 years now. Every time I go back home, I make it a point to dig it out and take a look at it.

For now, these are all I can think of. I’m not going to tag anyone but everyone is welcome to take it up.

My beautiful

It’s funny how you attach yourself to certain things beyond your own acceptance. Someone once told me not to attach myself to inanimate objects. I disagree. My precious car is something I love more than anything I have ever loved, more than it is possible to love an inanimate object.

It’s even more funny when you realize for the first time how protective you are of your car. Or even how much you hurt when you find out that your car was not treated the way you treat her. That people did something unpardonable when you least expected it of them. Something you would never even have dreamed of doing. It hurt. It physically hurt.

My beautiful. I’m sorry.